Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
