I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
