Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
