Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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