I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
