if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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