I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
