Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
