sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
