Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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