dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
