I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We are all done wearing pants today
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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