I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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