OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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