That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
