I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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