guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So many bounce houses so little time
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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