Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
