The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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