and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
