you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
