I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
