his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
