No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
