chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
