I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
