So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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