I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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