She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
