So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
