yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
