Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
