is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
