I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
