She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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