I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I love having hate sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
