Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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