oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
