I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
