the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
