Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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