He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize