i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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