His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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