I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
