well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
