i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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