Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
