Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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