do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
