and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
