if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
