Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
