you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
