walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize