I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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