I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
