Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
