I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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