How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
