Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
