I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
