He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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