do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
