I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
