Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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