i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
