I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
