I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
